And That’s a Wrap on the 2024 Season
The 2024 season (and year) are as wrapped as shittily as my Christmas presents were this year. Another year without a commissioner victory and another year of the Great Orange Mussolini to look forward to—he can’t live much longer, right?
It looks like the championship was between Tom and Aaron? Sorry, my mind's been a little preoccupied. And I made the playoffs? What? Man, the rest of you must really suck to let this jabroni slip into the 6th seed. But your (and my) suckiness aside, we have another first time champion—The Tom Toms! He stormed through the league with such tenacity and bloodshed, I could see him following up his championship by asking a particular mutant if he knows what happens when a toad gets struck by lightning.
He rode the back of New York Giants superstar RB, Saquon Barkley to the—wait, he’s on the Eagles? The Giants let him go to a division rival? I hope they don’t grow to regret that. Already over 2000 yards on the season, Barkley broke off the best RB season in a decade. Anyone who passed on him because they already drafted AJ Brown in the first and didn’t want two Eagles to start the draft is a real dumb-dumb. Other notable players on The Tom Toms are Raiders rookie sensation TE Brock Bowers and the power combo from the Lions of Ryan Gosling’s doppelganger and the Sun God himself. With such strong drafting, the ever-handsome teddy bear deserved his trophy this year.
Did anything else notable happen this season? Chiefs still winning in the most boring fashion imaginable while working with Hallmark to craft one of the best holiday films of the season? Then Lifetime made a knockoff Taylor-Travis movie, too? Man. Christmas movies are the best. The NFC North being the most absurd division imaginable while the Bears do their Bears thing. Lions, Vikings, and Packers—oh my! The Huskers not only make but win a bowl game? Um… yes please!
Sorry for the lack of attention paid to this season. Hopefully 2025 brings our family some good news and lets us focus on the next most important thing: bringing that damn trophy back home!
